“Bacon Digger” is the New “Gold Digger”

by 365daysofbacon

I’ll admit it. I’m a ~~Gold~~ Bacon Digger.

I like my ManBacon to “bring home the bacon” as much as any girl. Obvi.

Fortunately for me, ManBacon does a real good job. I feel rich when he brings home a fat, 2-lb package of uncured, hickory-smoked, nitrate-free bacon. Now that’s security. 😉

Bacon Digger can be the new Gold Digger when done right.

But it seems I might need to caution some of the other lady Bacon Diggers out there!

THE “DONT’S” OF BACON DIGGING

I’m not gonna tell you the “Do’s” of Bacon Digging and give away all the secrets. I’ll save em for a NY Times self-help bestseller. Aka, make you pay me.

Since I do have a (bacon-wrapped) heart, tho, I will give you some tips on what NOT to do. With real-life examples (which you can seem to find in self-help books … BURN!).

You’re welcome.

Don’t “Bacon Dig” the Bacon Hermit Thief.

To whichever one of you actually called in a marriage proposal to this guy IN HIS JAIL CELL … I’m embarrassed for you. For one thing, have you SEEN his mug shot?! He didn’t even have that much bacon.

Don’t “Bacon Dig” someone who gets his bacon through bacon house theft.

I know a stash o’ bacon is appealing, but jail-time means not much bacon is coming in. Plus, that stash of stolen bacon will likely get “confiscated” by the hungry po-po as it goes well with their coffee and donuts.

Don’t “Bacon Dig” someone who smuggles bacon into Belize.

This sounds exciting and all, but these people always eventually get caught. Haven’t you seen ‘Blow’ with Johnny Depp? Same idea. Not a happy ending, even for Penelope Cruz.

Also, don’t go spreading the theory around, we wouldn’t want the ManBacons of the world catching on to our tactics.

And no, you can’t Bacon Dig my ManBacon. He’s bacon-taken. Hooves off! 🙂