The Bacon Manifesto

4

by 365daysofbacon

There are some pretty brilliant lines in here. I wish I could take credit for them, but well, I can’t.

I might, however, make my own bacon manifesto. You just never know.

Re-posting from http://monkeygoggles.com/?p=912

THE BACON EATER’S MANIFESTO

Before beginning, we must acknowledge bacon as the most perfect food that has ever or will ever exist. It is the food which holds the perfect balance of fat and salt. The crispiness to withstand even the moistest sandwich and the heartiness to make even a salad edible. We sing the praises of bacon. We dance in its honor. We close our eyes and inhale deeply allowing its scent to enter our bodies and fill us with happiness as if we were human balloons and the bacon is God’s breath.

Bacon is also the universal food, for it is not elitist fancy-pants eating. It is enjoyed by everyone from the lowliest hobo to the wealthiest Wall Street tycoon. Even Mr. Rockefeller himself is known to partake in bacon during breaks from counting his large stacks of money. It is the chosen last meal of death row inmates and the first thing men ask for after being rescued from desert islands. After all, if you were stranded on an island, would you rather have a beautiful woman or endless bacon? The choice is clear.

We suggest renaming the pig to something more descriptive of its purpose. This animal should be renamed “living bacon” or “bacon with legs” so as not to hide that inner beauty it holds. The swine lives in filth, but just as plants grow from manure, so does the seed of bacon take hold in the swill of mud and garbage and grow into the redwood of meats. Bacon.

Now that we have paid proper homage to bacon, we name ourselves as eaters of bacon and set forth our purpose and pathway. These are the truths we live by and hold sacred.

1. There is nothing that cannot be improved by the addition of bacon.

Some might hold out sweets as being spoiled by adding bacon or a gourmet chef might say that the balance of a dish will be upset by the addition of bacon, but we state here and now that they are wrong. There is no food, or indeed no event, that cannot be improved with the addition of bacon. A single slice of bacon can act as a magnifying glass on the smallest amount of goodness or happiness in something, and magnify it to skyscraper size.

2. Bacon may shorten your life, but what is life without bacon?

Doctors, health nuts and vegetarians are constantly whispering in our ears that bacon poses some kind of health risk. That your life would be longer without it. But, we ask, what is your life without it? It’s a cupcake without frosting. A marriage without love. A summer without a sunny day. Quality of life must be taken into consideration when choosing your food. Do not waste time with green beans and squash; fill all the empty moments with the king of meat.

3. Bacon is the best thing at a breakfast buffet.

Loading up on toast or eggs is a tragedy. For they are simply buffer foods to distract you from bacon.

4. Bacon is so delicious, some people claim it wrote the works of Shakespeare.

We have our doubts that it did. For if bacon could write, why would it write something so boring and inscrutable to the common man?

5. The greatest odor in the world is the smell of cooking bacon.

If one were to truly and dutifully bottle its essence, even a woman plain as tap water could attract a square-jawed, Hollywood dreamboat. If it were promised that heaven smelled like bacon, surely men would do no evil from that moment forward.

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4 thoughts on “The Bacon Manifesto

  1. Matthew W says:

    I like !!!!

  2. pryan51 says:

    Perfect! Sharing this one – but not my bacon!

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